Fill up your cup

I have had a long week.

My emotional reservoir was seriously depleted.  I have not slept well.  I am fatigued. I wasn't feeling well tonight and didn't feel like eating much. I am stressed, but I am grateful.

I have forgotten how much I needed to take the time for a little self care.  So tonight, I am in my sweatpants. My favorite green "T rex hates pushups" tee, courtesy for the Field Museum in Chicago, reining in the boobage and getting ready for some cross stitch.

How are you? Are you well? Have you had some rough nights recently? It's okay, really. No matter how scared, anxious, lonely, or fatigued we are, we know that we still have each other. We are all in this together.

This week I learned the very important lessons of service and grace and a huge helping of humility. I helped a very dear college friend during a very rough time in her life. I made myself available to her in any way she needed and tried to calm the chaos for her, just a little bit. For a moment or two, she had peace. I am not good at the emotions or the gestures of comfort. I feel awkward and never know quite how to act. However, for my friends, I will do anything. I am fiercely loyal and passionately in their corners. Do not think that because I don't cry much that I do not feel. I feel very deeply.  I am devoted to filling up your cup at the risk of letting my own well dry up.

This tough week has been a trial for the fortitude of our nation and our people. People feel hurt and sad and, whether you believe they should be or not, the reality is that they are.  So, fill each other's cups. Remember that true service, done out of love, can build bridges instead of walls. Keep perspective on your situation. While people cried over election results, others cried because they lived in poverty or because a loved one died. Most of all, extend compassion and actively listen to one another.   Have a wonderful week ahead and know that God is there. Love and light to you.

Sweatpants and Friends

Today?  Today was a hard day.

If there was ever a time that I wanted to give up, today was that day.

I had a fairly blah day at work.  It was nothing special.  I got stuff done and that was that.  I was just feeling kind of....unmoved, ya' know?  I did have some anxiety this afternoon.  For a split second, I thought about what would happen if our building just all of a sudden collapsed.  Would it hurt?  Would I feel anything?  I pushed it out of my head as quickly as it came in, but I immediately felt worse.

Then, I got home and my trainer came over.  I was NOT in the mood to work out.  I was exhausted and anxious and just flat out not feeling it.  She pushed me anyhow and I did a killer leg workout.  I was on the verge of tears nearly the entire time.

By the end of the workout, I really felt like I could just sit down and cry right there.  I really, really wanted to lay down on the couch and just bawl my eyes out.  I was a bit of an emotional wreck.

Why?  I don't know.  I think it was a combination of anxiety, exhaustion, and PMS.

I wanted so badly to just sit down in the middle of my workout, stick out my bottom lip, cross my arms and say 'No!  Not doin' it.'  I wanted to have a meltdown, but I didn't.  I stuck it out, finished what I needed to, and dragged my tired old ass upstairs.

Husband fed me grilled hamburgers and corn on the cob, gave me a 20 second hug, and left me to scroll through the entirety of the internet.  I'm so thankful for him.  He helps me decompress so much.

Now I think it's time for a hot shower, my trusty Target men's sweatpants, and some Friends and crocheting.

Here's to a better night and a better tomorrow!

If you suffer from anxiety and depression, please know that there is help and you can make it through to the other side!  Therapy, meditation, and prayer are all things I utilize to get me through.  I hope you find comfort knowing that there are people just like you, normal people, that have hard times, too.  Reach out.