Accompanied by the vocal stylings of Bret Michaels (Poison 4everrrrr), I rolled down the windows on my miniv...*ahem*, crossover vehicle, and turned up the radio. I just started going south. I drove south, out of the city, winding past close-set houses, until I got further out. I started passing by wide, lush lawns, huge homes set far back from the road, and kept going. I drove until I ran out of asphalt. I live in Kansas, so it actually didn't take as long as you'd think. Then, I took a left, and another right, and drove south again until I ran out of asphalt. Slowly, I turned around and meandered home, taking another route, past houses I'd never seen before.
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| My life's motto! |
Every once in a while, the only fix my poor, wanderlusting heart can get for the gypsy feeling is to just go. I beg my husband to go on Sunday drives, but he's not as fond of wasting gas as I am, I guess. Occasionally, I get the opportunity to run away, just for a half hour, or maybe a few hours, or even just 10 minutes. I don't want to escape my life, but I need to run out of my skin for a minute. I need to feel the wind and see the countryside. I need to blast my radio and sing out loud. Sometimes, I need to chase the sunset...or sunrise. Depends on the day.
In the midst of my drive though, I realized that one of the last times I did this, I had to turn around rather quickly and go back to familiar territory. My anxiety belted itself into my passenger seat and mocked me. It scowled as I took off and cringed the further away from my home I got. When I got to an area where the land rose and became hilly, it wound itself up as tight as a coiled snake and its tail started rattling. I knew I couldn't make it. I knew that it was going to bite me. So, I turned around. I looked at my piteous self in the rearview and I drove back home, defeated.
This time was different. My heart soared and I kicked anxiety to the curb like the unwanted hitchhiker it was. I outran my skin that day and for a few moments in time, I was happy.
Life is what you make of it and I am taking my gypsy heart for a ride more often. I'm making a life that is no longer consumed by anxiety. I hope you get the chance to outrun your fears, even just for a moment.
